SENIORS LIVING

A SPECIAL INFORMATION SUPPLEMENT

Dear Patty: I told my parents (healthy, independent, in their 70's) that they need not worry about growing older and needing assistance as my brothers and I will take care of them. My parents don't think it's quite that simple.
We're confused.

Dear Emily

Thanks for asking, as we know that more people would rather clean a toilet than discuss this issue!

Your question focuses on what has been identified as the number one concern of both boomers and seniors in Canada - parent health and future care.

Patty Randall

Unfortunately, we also know that it happens to be a topic that families steer clear of - "I'm not that old!" "My children will take care of me" "What about government programs?"

To begin, your family needs to be of the same mind as the experts: "The good news is that we are living longer...and the even better news is that we are living healthier longer." Then they add, "But the bad news is at some time in our long lives, usually at the end of our 'biological warranty period' when aging starts affecting our everyday activities, we are going to need some help."

Assume that:

- Your parents want to remain independent and maintain a quality lifestyle well into their 'old-old' age (Stats Can defines 'old-old' beginning at 85)

- It is not a matter of 'if the time comes, but 'when' (once we reach 65, the chances of living into our 90s increase significantly)

Focus family discussions on the two most important jobs required during a loved one's care-years: care-management and caregiving.

A care-manager is a member of the family, or a loyal friend, who agrees to be in charge of, to guide, to be accountable for the global aspects of a loved one's care, the quarterback, so to speak - it is not a legal term, it is a care-term. It is a time-consuming, often frustrating commitment (our system of care is a maze) as well as a balancing act (trying to follow parent wishes, whenever possible); nonetheless, it's the most significant role a boomer can undertake during a parent's care-years.

A caregiver, on the other hand, is the key person (e.g. friend, employee, spouse, child) responsible for carrying out the substantial, hands-on, everyday, 24/7 care of a loved one. (Most common activities involve: bedtime activities, bathing, do teeth, shave, do hair, dressing, toenails/fingernails, arranging meds, meals, transportation, tracking medication side-effects, house-cleaning....)

Obviously, being the care-manager and being the primary-caregiver for a parent are both important, yet vastly different, obligations. Confusion arises when both are unknowingly, taken on simultaneously, by the same child creating an overwhelming load.

A care-manager makes decisions around the 'Big 4' care-related responsibilities:

#1 Types Of Care: hourly/part/full-time/volunteer/shift/live-in-personal/housekeeping (dictated by ever-changing needs, safety)

#2  Locations of care:
aging-in-place (one's own home) - preferred, but depends on mental-physical abilities (older people tend to feel '13 years younger than their chronological age')

• moving in with a child/moving in with a parent, to receive care -not recommended, although recognizing that many families may have few choices

• down-sizing to an independent-assisted living residence - good, as social interaction and location have been found to be more important indicators of happiness than the actual care one receives

• moving into an accredited nursing home - essential 'if required (less than 5 per cent of senior men and less than 9 per cent of senior women in Canada live in nursing homes, increases in old-old years)

#3 Organizational needs: employing care-personnel; liaising with doctors; purchasing equipment, applying for government assistance...

#4 Financial budgeting-maintaining a designated care-bank account; hiring a bookkeeping company (employee matters - CPP, WCB; subsidizations), a chartered accounting firm (income tax purposes). Accountability to one's parents and siblings is essential!

You need to learn from your parents the source(s) to pay for the kind of care envisioned - RRSPs, long-term care insurance, annuities, reverse mortgage - or are they counting on available government programs plus your financial help. (I found care-costs shocking -a silent financial risk)

As for a child becoming the principal caregiver of a parent, even if by choice, this requires honest discussion since family-caregiving has been found to affect one's health, lifestyle and lifespan - drastically!

You have to be preparedto look after a loved one with both a physical and mental disability for a long span of time - approximately 10 per cent of Canada's caregivers, 45 years and older, have been providing care for at least 13 years (caregiving - 'a career we never planned for ourselves')

40 per cent of Alzheimer caregivers (usually spouses) will die from stress-related disorders before the loved one for whom they are caring.

An emerging trend in all provinces - 'seniors looking after seniors' - one in four caregivers were themselves seniors (2007), nearly 16 percent were 65-74 and 8 per cent were 75 and over (do your math).

Seventy seven per cent of our caregivers are female - as a woman, there is a 'very high possibility' that you could be a caregiver 'at least two times in your lifetime', first of an elderly parent then of a spouse.

Seventy per cent acknowledge that providing care is stressful and more than one in four indicate their employment has been affected.

Caregivers have a 63 per cent higher death rate (USA findings) than others their own age.

Consider:

What would be the effect on: Your Family? Job? Spouse? Stress-level? General lifestyle? if you were the one doing the daily caregiving year after year.

Is caregiving how you plan on spending your retirement?

Is being 'my caregiver' really what I want in my children's future? (Boomers, ask this question too since 50 per cent of you may see your 100th birthday)

Finally...it goes without saying that every boomer must also be a diligent 'advocate' throughout a parent's care-years journey.

My good wishes, as good planning is critical to your family's future quality of life and peace of mind.

Patty

Patty Randall is widely considered a leading spokesperson on care-years planning in Canada. She is a national speaker and the author of "Let's Talk-The Care-Years...Taking Care Of Our Parents/Planning For Ourselves" the first-of-it s kind guidebook in Canada, written by a Canadian, for Canadians. Patty's passion for the issue is unparalleled as she learned her lessons the hard-way during her father's, mother's, mother-in-law's and husband's care-years journeys. Located in Vancouver, she provides planning and training services to Canadian companies specializing in seniors' care-related matters.

"Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself."

(Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962)