Introduction to Patty Randall's Guidebook:
Let’s Talk - The Care-Years (Taking Care of Our Parents, Planning for Ourselves)

First of its kind in Canada, written by a Canadian, for Canadians—based on one family’s personal journey.

Let’s Talk—The Care-Years--Taking Care Of Our Parents—Planning For Ourselves has been written as a beginner’s guidebook for you to use on your caregiving journey with one or both of your parents -- a journey which each of us as a daughter or son with elderly parents will eventually make or perhaps have already embarked upon. This guidebook can also be used to assist today and tomorrow’s seniors in preparing for their own care-years—to keep each as healthy and independent as possible, enjoying a positive lifestyle.

I know this care issue isn’t sexy or trendy, it doesn’t deal with the environment, sports, fashion or the economy; it isn’t about marriage, child-rearing, politics, exotic travel or fulfilling one’s dreams, and, it sure doesn’t generate that, “Boy I can’t wait to read this book’ feeling - but I guarantee, that when the time comes, this very issue will have such an astonishing and profound impact on your life that you will ask yourself (as I did) what planet you’ve been living on – why you haven’t addressed this period of your life before now.

For those of you beginning to wonder about your parents’ future as they grow older, for those of you just starting a caregiving journey with one or both of your parents, and for those of you wanting to plan for your own up-coming care-years, this guidebook offers direction; for those of you already on the journey, it offers further assistance; for everyone, it offers hope – since we can make a difference during our parent’s and our own care-years.

My own caregiving journey with my parents, starting in the first week of January 1996, continues still. Like me, you will find that this particular journey is unlike any other you have experienced in your life to date; why, simply because you cannot control when it will begin, how long it will go on, what you will encounter along the way, whom you will meet, what it will cost or even where it will lead you on a daily basis. Yet, even though this is a once-in-a-lifetime journey, what I discovered strangely enough is that we can actually prepare to some extent for these challenging and costly years in our lives--by sharing with and learning from each other. Continued…

As my parents’ health changed over the years, my role changed accordingly, from being a caring loving daughter to being a caregiving loving daughter. In these nine years to date, I learned that caregiving is a verb, an everyday action. I learned about my parents’ needs, concerns and wishes; about listening and respecting their decisions; about community care and government financial assistance programs and support groups available to our family; about the importance of giving time; about juggling work and family and leisure commitments; about being proactive when necessary; about discussing delicate emotional, medical and financial issues with each parent as well as with strangers who are now in positions to make life-altering care-related decisions; about being an advocate for my parents’ well-being during varied circumstances…. Most importantly, just as my parents learned to be care-receivers, I learned to be a caregiver -- and to plan well for when I will be a care-receiver.

So with that introduction, here is a hands-on, educational session outlining common sense, easy-to-use suggestions. Each of the practical suggestions is based exclusively on my own family’s findings – I used only my family’s experiences as examples and feel comfortable sharing these personal moments with you. I know that your family’s situation will be vastly different from mine, but if even one of the suggestions benefits your parents or you directly or saves you some stress and worry or helps you to become a better equipped, more organized provider of care for your parents, then great, this guidebook will have served its purpose.

The guidebook doesn’t contain statistics or medical information or lists of agencies, or gerontology theory, as you can research that information by telephoning your local community health unit, the regional hospital, a local caregivers’ support group, the nearest university and your doctors. You will find that the suggestions in this guidebook are not earth-shattering ideas – if you had time you could find the needed information by using many resources. You can do you own step-by-step fact-finding by reading appropriate books or magazines, by wandering the Internet, by talking with professionals in various health fields, by writing letters or telephoning special agencies, by going to conferences and so forth; but, again, if you’re like me, busy with everyday life, you probably haven’t even taken much time to think about the upcoming care-years journey, never mind actually plan well for it.

As I write to you now, I have a sense that my journey is levelling out somewhat, but as the experience for the most part proved to be quite the roller-coaster ride for my entire family, it is my hope that other daughters and sons and retirees and seniors might find this guidebook helpful and as a result, be better prepared than my Mum, my Dad, and I were when our journey began a few, long years ago.

I offer my very best wishes to you and your family – again, may your care-years journey be a smooth one.

Patty, Daughter-Caregiver-CareManager