Thou Shalt Honour Thy Parents
Helping aging parents is more than just a moral obligation for adult children -- it's the law

Michael Kane
The Vancouver Sun

Sunday, August 28, 2005

VANCOUVER - Most adult children would expect to help parents in need because of age, illness, infirmity or economic hardship, but most would be surprised to learn they could end up in court if they don't.

Parental support where necessary is the law in most provinces. It doesn't get the same media attention as child support and spousal support because very few parents have gone so far as to seek a court order compelling a child to fulfil his or her family obligations.

Christine Van Cauwenberghe believes the issue is a sleeping giant that will come to haunt Canadians as our population ages. It is a potentially huge responsibility for baby boomers who may still be supporting their own children as well as themselves.

"Most children feel a moral obligation to care for their parents but the issue does, sometimes, go to court when there has been a breakdown in the relationship," said

Ms. Van Cauwenberghe, Ottawa-based director of tax and estate planning with Investors Group.

"If there is a court order, then it would be enforceable like any other support order. The province might start to garnish some of the adult child's wages or take away his or her driver's licence."

It rarely comes to that because most families work something out -- often at extreme cost to the younger generations that might have been avoided with some foresight.

Adult children need to know if mom and dad have taken care of their financial future because it can have ramifications for them, Ms. Van Cauwenberghe says.

The challenge is initiating a conversation when parents are often loath to talk about their own finances, which they reasonably consider to be private.

At the same time, children may fear coming across as gold diggers trying to figure out how much mom and dad are going to leave to them after they are gone.

"It is more than just financial planning," Ms. Van Cauwenberghe said. "It is also planning for disability and estate planning, and again, the conversations can be difficult because they require an admission of mortality on the part of the parents, and that can be somewhat sensitive."

Discussions may be further complicated by blended families and common-law

relationships, which can lead to conflicting demands on matters as seemingly straightforward as funeral arrangements.

"Talking about matters in advance may be awkward, but talking about them after the time of death can be explosive," Ms. Van Cauwenberghe said. "It can be very traumatic for the survivors and cause permanent damage to the families."

First, talk to your parents about their plans, she said. Do they have a pension or other retirement savings? If not, do they have a plan for supporting themselves?

If they are still in good health, consider whether long-term care insurance is appropriate while they are still insurable at a reasonable price. Some children may be willing to pay the premiums if that means they will not have to find enormous sums later to care for ailing parents.

Estate planning questions for parents include:

- Do they have a properly drafted will and power of attorney in place?

- Do they have adequate insurance in case of critical illness or long-term incapacity?

- Who has been named executor of a parent's estate and do they know where to find the will and other important documents when the time comes?

- Have funeral arrangements been made?

- Do they have a health-care directive or living will that would provide guidance in the event of illness?

Ms. Van Cauwenberghe cautions against do-it-yourself estate planning and tax avoidance, which can do more harm than good.

"Some people use will kits which are not recommended under any circumstance," she said. "They just cause a lot of grief and a lot of litigation and I would not recommend them."

Techniques to avoid probate, such as transferring homes and retirement savings to joint ownership with a child, can lead to severe inequities between beneficiaries and unintended tax consequences. Professional advice is recommended.